


Roxanne

by AeBeSeeDe



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Aged-Up Character, Alpha Timeline, Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Crime, F/F, F/M, Mystery, Police, Prostitution, lord english is a pimp
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-07-08
Updated: 2012-07-07
Packaged: 2017-11-09 10:01:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/454231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AeBeSeeDe/pseuds/AeBeSeeDe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based loosely from The Police's song, 'Roxanne.'</p><p>Hookers have been showing up dead on the street, and one very familiar prostitute may be their only lead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Roxanne

The police department was surprisingly still for a Friday evening. There had been no emergency dispatches for a few hours. There were no urgent reports to file. Hell, even the broken coffeemaker had been fixed hours ago!

Bored, an officer sat in his computer chair with his feet propped up on his desk. A small radio jingled with an oldies tune from where it sat beside his computer monitor. In his hands, he idly cleaned the barrel of his gun with a frayed, old cloth. As he stared at it through his rectangular frames, he was certain that it must have been white at one point, but now it was permanently a boring and dullish gray.

There really wasn’t a point in cleaning his handgun other than to look busy though. The brunette always maintained proper gun etiquette! He loved his pistols and treated them all with care and love. They were just so friggin’ magnificent. 

When he was a child, he had always wanted to be an adventurer like Indiana Jones. He had wished that he could go on perilous journeys and save damsels in distress like the guys in movies, and he had spent hours on imaginary adventures in the park with his toy guns. In a way, he got exactly what he wished for. 

It just wasn’t the most exciting job at times. Jake sighed to himself and switched to polishing the grip of the pistol while the radio went to a commercial break. As he learned in training, a clean gun was one of the signs of a good officer.

“English.” The familiar and masculine voice caught his attention. Jake’s head snapped up, and he gazed toward the man standing in front of his desk. As he expected, it was none other than Lieutenant Strider. He quickly set the gun’s frame down on his desk and rose to speak to him. 

Strider was tall, blonde man in his mid-twenties with broad shoulders. Jake had actually gone to high school with him years ago. It was interesting to grow up with him because not much had changed besides the shape of his sunglasses. He was a serious man that also knew how to take a joke, and he always seemed a step above everyone else. Perhaps that’s why he was a lieutenant while Jake remained on officer. 

Jake didn’t seem to mind though. He knew that Strider was more skilled than him, but he really respected him for it. He was a good teacher and also a good friend.

“Yes, Dirk?” He asked as soon as he was standing, addressing him by his first name. Jake stared into the thin, black frames that covered the man’s eyes and brows. They were much different than the pointy, triangular ones that he had worn in back in the day, but he had never addressed him about the change. One day, the glasses were switched, and no one mentioned it since. 

“There’s a meeting in the detective’s office that I would like for you to attend,” he told him with a straight face. Then, he looked down at the taken-apart handgun and dirty rag on English’s desk and raised an eyebrow. “Unless you’re too busy with this task, I suppose. It might be good for you to stay and shine your pistol. It’s not like you do it several times a day or anything. Please excuse me for interrupting you.”

“What? No! Of course I’ll be attending. My armaments can be cleaned another time. I’m more than happy to set them aside at the prospect of some excitement,” he said, even though he was aware of Strider’s teasing. The taller man gave him a hint of a smile.

“That’s what I expected. You’re always ready for some action.” The lieutenant began to swiftly walk in the direction of the detective division, and Jake rushed to keep up with him. Gosh, Dirk moved so fast.

“Yes, sir!” He grinned from ear to ear as he trailed after him. It wasn’t an everyday occurrence that he was led into the detective’s office. Perhaps he would get to help with an investigation. Just thinking about the possibility gave him goosebumps along his arms. “Am… Am I getting a case? Is that what this is all about?”

“You have the patience of a small child,” Dirk told him as they turned a corner, and although Jake couldn’t see it, he swore that he had rolled his eyes. Ffff! He could be patient if he wanted to be.

“Oh, phsaw. It’s more like the curiosity of a cat. You know, you’re a pretty dubious fellow sometimes. I can’t help it.” The officer rubbed the back of his neck, and Dirk nodded.

“Okay. There’s a little rumor going around that we may be looking to promote some patrol officers into the detective division. Your name may have come up, and I-” Jake didn’t bother to listen to the rest of Dirk’s sentence. There was a chance that he could be an investigator! That was pretty amazing.

“Gadzooks! That would be terribly exciting. You have to put in a good word for me, alright? Wow, what if I get to be an inspector?” Jake was practically bouncing on his heels as he walked. The excited officer reached out to open the door to the detective’s room, but Strider grabbed onto his wrist, effectively stopping him.

“But listen,” he said, much quieter than before. “It’s a fucking hazardous position. I don’t want you getting hurt, Jake. You can’t go running headfirst into things like some jackass. Practice a little self-restraint.” Jake swallowed thickly at how grim that warning was, and he nodded before pulling out of Dirk’s grasp.

“A-alright,” he replied. “But you can’t blame me for being so friggin’ eager about it.” Dirk gave him a look, and he quickly added, “I take my job very seriously though! Absolutely no lollygagging is allowed!”

Looking somewhat satisfied, the lieutenant opened the door, and he held it open for his coworker to step inside. After taking a deep, calming breath, Jake stepped into her office, but he couldn’t help but beam at the detective.

“Good evening, Detective Crocker,” he greeted as he sat in one of the two chairs in front of her organized desk. He wasn’t surprised when Dirk sat beside him. “What business do you have with the lieutenant and I?”

Detective Crocker was a woman the same age as Jake, but she managed to look much younger. Jane had big, blue eyes and a nice smile. Much like Dirk, he had also gone to the same high school with her. It was funny. Two out of his three best friends got hired by the same police station.

As for his other high school companion, he hadn’t seen her in years. They had just lost contact with each other. He missed how smart and sassy she used to be. It made him a little sad to think about sometimes, but he tried not to focus on it too much. The past was the past, after all. It was best to live in the here and now.

“The lieutenant and me,” she tried to correct him with a teasing smile.

“Yes, yes. Grammar, I know. It’s so useful.” Jake waved a hand dismissively before Crocker continued.

“I’ve invited you and Dirk to assist me with an ongoing investigation on prostitution in the city. It isn’t how things are usually done around here, but I think the two of you will be particularly helpful,” she informed them with a more serious look on her face. “You both will have more luck at this than the investigators will. We’ll need it because we are limited on time.”

“If time is of the essence, let’s go get started!” Jake said instantly, jumping up from his chair. Almost reflexively, Dirk put hand on his arm in an attempt to calm him down.

“Yes, but first, I have to know something. What makes us more qualified than your other investigators?” The blonde wondered out loud. “Surely the many investigators you have are more knowledgeable about local prostitution than us.”

Jane opened her mouth to talk, but then she bit her lip. When she provided an explanation, it was clearly rushed. “Most of them are busy with other cases. And yes they would be helpful, but you don’t need to know much about prostitution. You just have to be skilled at questioning the suspect that we have in custody.”

“And you really believe that English is good at interrogation?”

“Hey! I’m more than willing to learn. From what I gather, it can’t be all that difficult. You just ask them a bunch of questions until they leak some information,” Jake interjected with a small frown on his face. “It’s like the popular game, Twenty Questions.”

Both Jane and Dirk gave him a blank look before they continued.

“It’s not so much that he’s good at questioning as…” It was obvious that she was trying not to be direct about her answers. “Well… You see, I don’t want to cause a load of hubbub between us all, but it’s possible that there may be a slight-”

“Crocker, if you want us to help you, you’re going to need to give us all of the facts,” Dirk told her sternly, even though she was technically in a position of authority over the both of them. “Stop tiptoeing around the subject and just give it to us straight. I’m sure whatever it is won’t be as bad after we all discuss it together.” The ebony-haired woman listened and gave a little nod after he was done.

“You’re correct, Strider. I give my apologies to the both of you. I should have just explained everything from the beginning.” She took in a deep breath and stared down at the file she had open and laid out in front of her.

“There’s a person who we believe to be a Caucasian male over the age of forty-five that we’ve been trying to track down. He goes by the alias of ‘Lord English,’ and he’s been a procurer for years. As the two of you may or may not know, there have been five streetwalkers found beaten to death in alleys within the past thirty days.”

“Interesting,” Jake chimed in, leaning forward. His demeanor was much more focused that he had been before. Dirk caught a quick glimpse of him out of the corner of his eye, and he gave an approving smile.

“Yes, it is. We aren’t sure why this has been occurring, but he have reason to believe that Lord English is tied into it somehow,” she said to them. “But we’ve managed to obtain a prostitute in our custody, and she’s being held for questioning. As we don’t have any hard evidence on her, she can only be held there for seventy-two hours before we are forced to release her.”

“What’s the catch here?” Dirk asked as he crossed his arms to his chest. The detective swallowed and toyed with the pen on her desk for a moment. She capped and uncapped it, weaving it between her short digits before depositing it back into the supply cup she had removed it from.

“Her name is Roxanne Lalonde.” The room went dead silent for at least a long ten seconds.

“Roxy? Oh god. Are you claiming that Roxy is some sort of hussy now?!” Jake worried at his bottom lip with his teeth.

“Crocker, you can’t be serious,” Strider commented in a much more skeptical tone. “Maybe you’re jumping to conclusions.” But Jake and Dirk both knew that Jane was the most disbelieving of the three of them.

“I’m afraid I am. One of our undercover investigators caught her on a street corner asking him if he wanted a good time. She willingly got into his car. We have it all on tape.” It was difficult to read the emotion on her face, but she definitely wasn’t thrilled.

Jake stood with a solemn expression coating his features. “Then, I suppose we had better get started on this. We’re wasting precious investigation time.”

**Author's Note:**

> I was just listening to this song, and I wondered why no one had done this yet.  
> And then it merged into a police!stuck AU.


End file.
